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How can I eloquently express that recent times have raised serious conversations about how we treat women? First quietly, and then in a louder voice women shared the closed doors they had sat behind and felt uncomfortable, the comments about their appearance that had nothing to do with anything that they got when trying to do their jobs, the unwelcome advances that ranged from confusing to scary.  For me, I thought about my earliest memory of feeling icky for being a woman when at the age of 14 an adult male snapped my bra.

SO I HAD AN IDEA.

Enclosed you will find two hair bands with the words, “I HAVE YOUR BACK”

One is from me for you.  And one is for you to give to another girl or woman. 

So if each woman has a woman who she knows has her back, that if she is uncomfortable or she feels she is embarrassed or shamed or sexually harassed or just put in a situation she is made to feel icky, she has a woman who she knows she can talk to.  Hopefully those of us who give them to younger women and girls will prevent them from being in some of the uncomfortable, unfair situations others of us have already experienced and never shared because we thought it was our fault or we would be fired or not believed or that we provoked it. 

I hope that this gesture matters to you.  And I hope you make it matter to someone else. 

Much love,

Jessica Spitalnic Mates

Ihaveurback2@gmail.com

i have your back yoga hair band - one for you - one to give

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  • ONE FOR YOU FROM ME - ONE FOR YOU TO GIVE

 i have your back: a message of empowerment for girls and women.  one for you and one to give.  

I have your back

The day before the 2016 Presidential election, my son and I were visiting the University of Central Florida. He had just been accepted and we were taking a tour. Before the tour, we stopped by Hillel, the Jewish student organization, and I noticed in a bowl they had yoga hair bands printed with a hashtag of an Israel trip they were promoting. I took one, put it on my wrist and we left. Next, we went to the student union and because it was the day before Election Day, there were tables with campus Republicans and Democrats campaigning. I loved this because my son was and is a politically engaged person and I was glad to see the activism. But something was gnawing at me.

 

Exactly a month earlier, the Washington Post had leaked a 2005 Access Hollywood tape with a lewd conversation and the innocent reporter unaware of the disgusting talk about her.

 

A month later, as we walked around this vibrant college campus, I stared at the hair band on my wrist and an idea came to me.

 

I did not want the young woman on this campus, nor my daughter, nor her friends, nor my colleagues nor my friends to ever be put in an uncomfortable situation just because they were a woman. And then an uncomfortable memory popped into my head.

 

When I was 14 years old, we were at my aunts for a family gathering. I was relaxing on the couch, lying on my stomach with my legs crossed in the air. An adult male came and as a joke snapped my bra and said “I snapped your snap”, laughed and left. This one moment I have never forgotten. I was ashamed and embarrassed. Other memories came too. Of uncomfortable situations in the workplace - a boss talking about sexual exploits in one of my first jobs out of college. And the countless times my appearance, weight, relationship status, outfit or hair color preceded any ability to deal with me in the professional realm. Or the unkind, passive-aggressive behaviors that would never be experienced by my male counterparts. Or the ignoring of my voice around the table.

 

SO I GOT AN IDEA

I ordered 700 pink yoga hair bands, with “I HAVE YOUR BACK” printed on them.  And I sent them to all the women I knew and loved and to some famous women too with a letter.  I sent each woman two.  Once for themselves, so they knew I had their back, and one for them to pass on to some other girl or women so they knew someone had their back too.   

-Jessica Spitalnic Mates and Shira Brockman

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